time for a little updateums
well, first...i'm still very happy in my life and the people and things i'm doing. lets just talk about how emily bobus is transfering to KU!! ahh! i'm just so excited to be living with her and experiencing things with her through college and I just know we are going to have the best time ..cause frankly, its always better when shes in my life...
i've been a busy busy beaver since i've been back in PA. I'm always running about doing something. I live in an aptment on campus right now with 3 girls. not really friends with any of them, but you know me and being all scorpio. Its helped a lot though not having too many friends on campus with grades and such cause I just either sit around and watch seasons of tv shows (lol) or I study.
Its so very wonderful to be able to see toby on a realitivly regular basis. he makes me so very happy. I can't believe most of the time taht we found each other in this mixed up crazy world, but we did and we are both so happy about it. he has made me become a better person and made me realise some of the unimportant things in life that i used to worry about it. I think i've helped him too though..and really? what a wonderful thing to be able to say about a relationship...we make each other better :). Hes just such a wonderful person and A+ boyfriend and i thank the stars every day that he walked into my life when he did..and I finally let him..haha.
when i first got home i visited him a lot and got to know some of his friends (roomates mainly) i'm not sure any of them like me too much. I mean..I think they dont really care too much i guess. which i dunno...guys are weird...i would think if my best friend were dating someone i would make an effort ya kno? I just sometimes feel unwelcome at psu..not on tobys account at all of course..but maybe i'm just paranoid and a little bitter about last semester and how they were kinda assholes to me and gave toby a hard time all the time. i dunno..i just kinda wish i could be better friends with them ..at least for tobys sake. I dont think he minds too much but I know that emily and such really are trying to take the time to get to know toby and really like him and i just wish his friends would do the same. dont get me wrong..its just his friends up here..his friends at home like sawyer and them i get along with..or at lesat have really well the times we've spent together. i dunno..i just feel like its a part of tobys life that I want to understand and get more into and they like shut me out..or maybe its a two ways street...thats probably more likely cause whenever i feel liek someone does'nt like me i shut down. lol oh well.
its been hard with friends since i've been back. Beck/Em/Mad all live far away and i'm a curmugine (sp) when it comes to opening up and making new ones. My DPO girls are all ridiculously far away...but i'm thinking about going to Kristens soon cause shes only in WC. Other friendships have crumbled i guess you could say. It saddens me, but maybe its for the best. I dunno. I guess that chapter is finished in my life. I really dont understand it. My mom said I have two options: 1) confront the situation and deal with it or 2) just let it go and find a place in me where i'm okay with it. I'm trying very hard to do the second option. but i think about things and it just really hurts me and other things I wish i could change that i've done. i mean, for me its hard because i hold on to things a lot and i really really go through them in my head over and over. I just find it hard to let go of something that meant a lot to me and its hard for me to understand why its easier for others to deal with things and just...let it go. my heart just doesn't know how to do that, and it never has. but what other choice do i have? I just have to really really listen to peoples advice on it and say to myself "its not personal. nothings personal" it sounds easy but its one of the hardest things to do for me cause i take everything so very personally.
i'm going to beckys for easter on saturday!! I am really looking forward to spending some quality time with her. I miss her a lot and I always enjoy the holidays with her family cause my family doesn't really do much on easter especially. i'll probably leave mid afternoon and spend the night with tobys family then. which will be really nice as well. becks is taking me out saturday night and i am oooh soo excited about that !! :) i miss nights with becky a lot!!
maddi and jasten broke up. and as much as i really might think it was for the best..my heart broke along with theirs. i felt pretty torn with it too because i've become realyl good friends with jasten through the two years they've been together and he was really hurting and i missed my best friend because shes been doing her own thing and it was very hard to be in between the two of them when everything went down. and its also sad cause toby and jasten really enjoyed each others company..the whole thing just makes me sad cause i just really thought they were really good for each other and really brought out the best most of the time in each other and any couple like that ending it just seems sad and really upsetting. and i love them both so much and i just wish things could work out. but i'm a silly silly girl and I know that they did what they had to do. i feel like the kid whos parents are getting divorced lol i just spent so much time with them i was like in their relationship too and i just hurt with them.
what else is there to talk about? i wish i was in a show right now. i wish i could have done cinderealla but i was so busy and now i'm not and i'm like UGHH i wish i had more to do during the week. i really want to do a show in the summer i just wish alpha wasn't doing STUPID STUPID high school musical. i'm thinking about doing it..but i listen to the music and i feel like it would be just completely against everything i believe to be good and true in musical theater..but who knows maybe i'll end up doing it anyway.
I just got hired at Crystal Cave as a tour guide. I shit you not. I'm gonna be working there during the week and possibly some weekends. ahh i need money like big time-o and it'll be a good fulltime job in the summer. plus..caves..fun. stalagmites come on/ what could be better than working in a cool place in the summer where you can turn off all the lights and not see your hand in front of your face??? :) lol it should be a good time.
i think thats all for now, i have a couple days off which is good cause yesterday i got diagnosed with strep throat..woohoo..not..its not like when i had it as a kid though..i remember being in sooo much pain..its not too bad..my glands are just insanely swollen and i get relaly tired all the time..so better this version than my childhood one. i can eat too still..yay..and no fever. but i'm spending my days off with the love of my life..cause who can better take care of you than the boy that loves you? :)